I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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