You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
