So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
