i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
