There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found your dick twin last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
