im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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