My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
