12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
