if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
