I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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