Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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