I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
