Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
