This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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