At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
