feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
