I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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