don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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