It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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