It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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