threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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