so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
