what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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