who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
