Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
