I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
