I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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