Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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