my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
