i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
