i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
