If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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