I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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