I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
