If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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