We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
