So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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