Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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