i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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