You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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