the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
