Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
