You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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