I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
