I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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