I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
