2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
