i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
