Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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