i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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