i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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