Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
