True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
