it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
