i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
