So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
